The holidays singularly create more angst than any other time of the year. Expectations are either inflated, deflated or shot down before they can even stand up. We all come to the holiday table with a sense of how we wish it was; some years it works out and some years it doesn't.
For those who wanted a Happy Days or Cleaver Family Christmas, disappointment can reign supreme, if only for the fact that our families look so different now than they did in the fifties. Resetting our ideas of what the holiday should be really does start with what you create for yourself. Often, creating tradition helps in having it when you want it the next year. Rituals are a big part of this, as Incubator member Sherry Gaba discovered.
-Amy Swift, Editor in Chief, Ladies Who Launch
Single Parents- Find Joy During the Holiday Season (Please)
I remember the time I made the paradigm shift of truly having gratitude for the holidays as a single parent. It had always been a time of loneliness, sadness, isolation, grief and loss. The emotional pain of being without my daughter's father and celebrating it alone was just too much to bear. I was still in victim mode and was blaming HIM for my fate. Although, seeing my daughters face light up during the un-wrapping of the gifts ritual or lighting the candles certainly was joyful, after that I may just as well have gone back to bed. This was not the Brady Bunch family I wished for!!!
The shift began when I stopped being the victim and created new rituals for me and my daughter. When I began to create new traditions, I was off and running. Once I forgave HIM and gave myself the compassion and allowed myself to grieve the past pain, I could finally move forward. I began to give myself the tenderness and love that I so desperately seeked from others. I let go of the many stories I created in my head of what the holidays were supposed to look like and created new holiday rituals for the family I had. I was in complete gratitude. I lived each breath, minute, and day at a time while watching others spin out at of control at the crowded malls or preparing for lavish gatherings for family and friends. I was no longer in auto pilot, but rather became an outsider observing with curiosity all the frenzy others were experiencing. I felt a sudden peace wash over me as I realized the holidays are what we make it. It can be a time of stress or grieving over what once was or it can be a time of honoring ourselves and who we are at this very moment it time, right now, with all its ups and downs, and ebbs and flows.
These were some of the new rituals I begin to take part it.
Donated to shelters and celebrated the holiday spirit by feeding the homeless and making goodie bags for the abused and neglected children. Began to journal and reflect on the last year and made resolutions with clarity for the new year.
Made a gratitude list of what I was grateful for and the abundance I had flowing in my life right now. I allowed my daughter to get involved in the process of how she wanted to celebrate the holidays with me or with her father if it was his time to be with her.
Her father and I came up with solutions so our daughter could feel safe wherever she was. He created a sacred personal space for her when she was away from her home with me.
I joined a support group to make friends and to be able to relate to others going through the same thing. It was one of the most healing things I ever did. I didn't feel so alone anymore when I watched two parent families celebrate the holidays. I created my own network of support.
I allowed my child to be the child and not the "little adult." It was not her responsibility to make the holidays o'k for me. Even I was celebrated without her, she needed to know I was going to be o'k and so was she.
Take the time this holiday season to slow down, take a deep breath of joy, let out a breath of gratitude, and greet the past with compassion and the future with awe and with the knowing that endless possibilities await you and your family next year and forever!!!
For any thoughts, comments, or to set up a life coaching session, contact Sherry at sgabatherapy.com/ or 818-756-3338.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/amy-swift/ladies-who-launchem_b_77413.html
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